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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""> Dear
colleagues:<br>
<br>
I hope all is well with you. I have enclosed below comments
regarding the draft minutes of the July 3 meeting; I hope you find
them worthy of consideration. As you will note, most of the
comments involve stylistic matters. I apologize that I was unable
to prepare and send these comments sooner; I have been remarkably
busy since Independence Day.</span><br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""><br>
Thanks for your work for liberty. I look forward to seeing
you in the Valley of the Sun.<br>
<br>
Take care,<br>
Jim<br>
<br>
James W. Lark, III<br>
Professor, Dept. of Systems and Information Engineering<br>
Professor, Applied Mathematics Program, Dept. of Engineering
and Society<br>
Affiliated Faculty, Department of Statistics<br>
University of Virginia<br>
<br>
Advisor, The Liberty Coalition<br>
University of Virginia<br>
<br>
Region 5 Representative, Libertarian National Committee<br>
----- </span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New
Roman""></span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">General
comments:</span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times
New Roman""></span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">*<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>As a stylistic matter, I
believe it would improve the readability if more clauses were set
off by use of commas.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>For
example, the following sentence appears on p. 5:</span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">Ms. <span class="SpellE">Harlos</span>
confirmed that the prior HPC members comprised herself, Dr. Joe
Buchman, Joe <span class="SpellE">Dehn</span>, Ed <span
class="SpellE">Fochler</span>, and James Gholston and that they
were all active and participating.</span><br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""></span><br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">I
believe it would be better to set off the phrase “and that they
were all active and participating” by use of a comma following the
name of Mr. Gholston.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>As
an aside, please note my comment below (involving an item on p.5)
concerning the use of honorifics.</span><br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""></span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">p.1:</span><span
style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""></span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">*<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I suggest that the phrase
“Post-Convention” be removed from the title block and the footer.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></span><br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""></span><br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">*<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Under Prelude, perhaps reword
the phrase “The potential agenda for the meeting …” as “The
proposed agenda for the meeting ….”</span><br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""></span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">p.
2:</span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New
Roman""></span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">*<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Since Mr. Fields' position as
Press Secretary has not been mentioned as of this point in the
text, it would be appropriate to identify him (perhaps
parenthetically) as such.</span><br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""> </span><br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">*<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Since the states associated
with regions are evidently listed in alphabetical order, Virginia
should be listed before West Virginia in the list of the Region 5
state affiliates.</span><br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""></span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">p.
3:</span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New
Roman""></span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">*<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Perhaps reword the sentence “</span><span
style="font-size: 10pt;">It is noted that Alicia Mattson and
Dustin Nanna arrived late due to being tied up with other
convention-related duties.” as follows:</span><br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""> </span><br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">Ms. Mattson and Mr. Nanna arrived
following the call to order due to their involvement with other
convention-related duties.</span><span
style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""></span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">*
I believe it would be appropriate to identify Ms. Daugherty and
Mr. Burns as Head of Development (Director of Development?) and
State Affiliate Development Specialist, respectively. (Note: I
don't know whether Ms. Daugherty's appointment as Director of
Development was in effect as of the LNC meeting.)<br>
<br>
*<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Perhaps reword the
phrase “The gallery contained multiple other attendees …” as “The
gallery contained many other attendees ….”</span><br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""></span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">p.
4:</span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New
Roman""></span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">*<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Perhaps reword the phrase
“Mr. Goldstein inquired if re-creating …” as “Mr. Goldstein
inquired whether re-creating ….”<br>
<br>
* Mr. Bishop-Henchman's surname is listed as Bishop Henchman,
rather than Bishop-Henchman. <br>
</span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New
Roman""></span> <br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">*<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Perhaps reword the phrase “…
f</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;">or use by the national
office and to <span class="GramE">make arrangements</span> to
view the Review of Harassment and Offensive Behavior Prohibition
training video” as </span><span
style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">“… f</span><span
style="font-size: 10pt;">or use by the national office, and to
distribute the Review of Harassment and Offensive Behavior
Prohibition training video.”</span><span
style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""></span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">*<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I believe the sentence “</span><span
style="font-size: 10pt;">Dr. Lark suggested that the requirements
for Executive Session confidentiality be discussed” should be
rephrased as follows:</span><br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">Dr. Lark suggested that the legal
issues regarding Executive Session be mentioned.</span><span
style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">p.
5:</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">*<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Perhaps
reword the phrase “Ms. <span class="SpellE">Harlos</span>
confirmed that the prior HPC members comprised herself, Dr. Joe
Buchman, Joe <span class="SpellE">Dehn</span>, Ed <span
class="SpellE">Fochler</span>, and James Gholston and that they
…” as “Ms. <span class="SpellE">Harlos</span> noted that the
prior HPC members consisted of herself, Joe Buchman, Joe <span
class="SpellE">Dehn</span>, Ed <span class="SpellE">Fochler</span>,
and James Gholston, and that they ….”</span><br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">Note:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Honorifics such as Dr. and Prof. should not be used in
listing members of a committee unless the honorific is associated
with a status that is relevant to the composition and/or function
of the committee.</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">*<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Perhaps
reword the sentence “Dr. Lark asked that the LNC thank Ms. <span
class="SpellE">Harlos</span> and her committee members for the
fine work that they have done which was met with a round of
applause” as follows:</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">Dr. Lark suggested that the LNC thank
Ms. <span class="SpellE">Harlos</span> and her committee members
for their fine work; the LNC provided a round of applause.</span><span
style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">p.
6:</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">*<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Perhaps
reword the sentence “It is typically used for time-sensitive items
that need to be taken up more quickly than the next LNC meeting or
email ballot” as follows:</span><br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">The EC typically acts upon
time-sensitive items that must be addressed before an LNC meeting
can be called or an email ballot completed.</span><span
style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><br>
<br>
In addition, I believe it would be appropriate to reword the
sentence "The Executive Committee comprises the four (4) officers
and three (3) non-officer members" as follows:<br>
<br>
The Executive Committee typically consists of the four (4) officers
and three (3) non-officer members.<br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">*<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Perhaps
reword the sentence “Mr. Fields commented on his experiences with
the APRC and interacted with several past members to obtain
clarification on the current policies” as follows:</span><br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">Mr. Fields commented on his
experiences with the APRC, and sought clarification concerning the
current policies.</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">p.
7:</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">*<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Perhaps
reword the phrase “The Ballot Access Committee comprises …” as
“The Ballot Access Committee consists of ...." Also, Ed Marsh is
not mentioned prior to his listing as a member of the previous
BAC; I believe it would be appropriate to mention his first name
in the listing.</span><br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">p.
8:</span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">*<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Perhaps
reword the phrase “Ken <span class="SpellE">Moellman</span>
(former BAC Chair) reminded everyone that …” as “Ken <span
class="SpellE">Moellman</span> (former BAC Chair) noted that ….”<br>
<br>
* On both page 8 and page 9, Dr. Olsen is identified as Mr.
Olsen, whereas he is identified as Dr. Olsen in several other
locations.</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">*<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>As
far as I am aware, Mr. Nanna, Mr. Phillips, and Mr. Redpath were
not candidates for election to the Candidate Support Committee.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>However, <span
class="SpellE">their</span> names are listed as vote recipients
in the vote table, apparently because Mr. Merced cast his votes
for them. If this is the case, Mr. Merced voted for three people
who were not candidates, and did not vote for any of those who
were candidates. <br>
<br>
I hope it will not be considered impertinent to inquire whether
there has been an error in the recording of Mr. Merced's ballot.</span><span
style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><span
style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><br>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><br>
p. 9:<br>
<br>
* The following sentence appears under Treasurer's Report: Mr.
Sarwark also signed up so many new Life Members that he ran out of
Life Member pins. <br>
<br>
Did Mr. Sarwark actually sign up all of the new Life Members to whom
he presented pins? If not, I suggest that the sentence be worded
along the following lines: Mr. Sarwark awarded so many Life Member
pins to new LIfe Members that he ran out of pins.<br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""> p.
11:</span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New
Roman""></span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">*
As far as I am aware, Marc Montoni is not a rabbi (at least, not
in the usual sense). Even if he is a rabbi, I don't believe
honorifics should be used in listing names on a roster.<br>
</span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""> </span><br>
<br>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""> </span>
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