[Lnc-business] Comments regarding draft minutes of July 3 meeting

[James Lark]

  Dear colleagues:

     I hope all is well with you.  I have enclosed below comments 
regarding the draft minutes of the July 3 meeting; I hope you find them 
worthy of consideration.  As you will note, most of the comments involve 
stylistic matters.  I apologize that I was unable to prepare and send 
these comments sooner; I have been remarkably busy since Independence Day.

     Thanks for your work for liberty.  I look forward to seeing you in 
the Valley of the Sun.

     Take care,
     Jim

     James W. Lark, III
     Professor, Dept. of Systems and Information Engineering
     Professor, Applied Mathematics Program, Dept. of Engineering and 
Society
     Affiliated Faculty, Department of Statistics
     University of Virginia

     Advisor, The Liberty Coalition
     University of Virginia

     Region 5 Representative, Libertarian National Committee
-----

General comments:

*As a stylistic matter, I believe it would improve the readability if 
more clauses were set off by use of commas.For example, the following 
sentence appears on p. 5:

Ms. Harlos confirmed that the prior HPC members comprised herself, Dr. 
Joe Buchman, Joe Dehn, Ed Fochler, and James Gholston and that they were 
all active and participating.

I believe it would be better to set off the phrase “and that they were 
all active and participating” by use of a comma following the name of 
Mr. Gholston.As an aside, please note my comment below (involving an 
item on p.5) concerning the use of honorifics.


p.1:

*I suggest that the phrase “Post-Convention” be removed from the title 
block and the footer.

*Under Prelude, perhaps reword the phrase “The potential agenda for the 
meeting …” as “The proposed agenda for the meeting ….”


p. 2:

*Since Mr. Fields' position as Press Secretary has not been mentioned as 
of this point in the text, it would be appropriate to identify him 
(perhaps parenthetically) as such.

*Since the states associated with regions are evidently listed in 
alphabetical order, Virginia should be listed before West Virginia in 
the list of the Region 5 state affiliates.


p. 3:

*Perhaps reword the sentence “It is noted that Alicia Mattson and Dustin 
Nanna arrived late due to being tied up with other convention-related 
duties.” as follows:

Ms. Mattson and Mr. Nanna arrived following the call to order due to 
their involvement with other convention-related duties.

* I believe it would be appropriate to identify Ms. Daugherty and Mr. 
Burns as Head of Development (Director of Development?) and State 
Affiliate Development Specialist, respectively.  (Note:  I don't know 
whether Ms. Daugherty's appointment as Director of Development was in 
effect as of the LNC meeting.)

*Perhaps reword the phrase “The gallery contained multiple other 
attendees …” as “The gallery contained many other attendees ….”


p. 4:

*Perhaps reword the phrase “Mr. Goldstein inquired if re-creating …” as 
“Mr. Goldstein inquired whether re-creating ….”

*  Mr. Bishop-Henchman's surname is listed as Bishop Henchman, rather 
than Bishop-Henchman.

*Perhaps reword the phrase “… for use by the national office and to make 
arrangements to view the Review of Harassment and Offensive Behavior 
Prohibition training video” as “… for use by the national office, and to 
distribute the Review of Harassment and Offensive Behavior Prohibition 
training video.”

*I believe the sentence “Dr. Lark suggested that the requirements for 
Executive Session confidentiality be discussed” should be rephrased as 
follows:

Dr. Lark suggested that the legal issues regarding Executive Session be 
mentioned.


p. 5:

*Perhaps reword the phrase “Ms. Harlos confirmed that the prior HPC 
members comprised herself, Dr. Joe Buchman, Joe Dehn, Ed Fochler, and 
James Gholston and that they …” as “Ms. Harlos noted that the prior HPC 
members consisted of herself, Joe Buchman, Joe Dehn, Ed Fochler, and 
James Gholston, and that they ….”

Note:Honorifics such as Dr. and Prof. should not be used in listing 
members of a committee unless the honorific is associated with a status 
that is relevant to the composition and/or function of the committee.

*Perhaps reword the sentence “Dr. Lark asked that the LNC thank Ms. 
Harlos and her committee members for the fine work that they have done 
which was met with a round of applause” as follows:

Dr. Lark suggested that the LNC thank Ms. Harlos and her committee 
members for their fine work; the LNC provided a round of applause.


p. 6:

*Perhaps reword the sentence “It is typically used for time-sensitive 
items that need to be taken up more quickly than the next LNC meeting or 
email ballot” as follows:

The EC typically acts upon time-sensitive items that must be addressed 
before an LNC meeting can be called or an email ballot completed.

In addition, I believe it would be appropriate to reword the sentence 
"The Executive Committee comprises the four (4) officers and three (3) 
non-officer members" as follows:

The Executive Committee typically consists of the four (4) officers and 
three (3) non-officer members.

*Perhaps reword the sentence “Mr. Fields commented on his experiences 
with the APRC and interacted with several past members to obtain 
clarification on the current policies” as follows:

Mr. Fields commented on his experiences with the APRC, and sought 
clarification concerning the current policies.


p. 7:

*Perhaps reword the phrase “The Ballot Access Committee comprises …” as 
“The Ballot Access Committee consists of ...."  Also, Ed Marsh is not 
mentioned prior to his listing as a member of the previous BAC; I 
believe it would be appropriate to mention his first name in the listing.


p. 8:

*Perhaps reword the phrase “Ken Moellman (former BAC Chair) reminded 
everyone that …” as “Ken Moellman (former BAC Chair) noted that ….”

*  On both page 8 and page 9, Dr. Olsen is identified as Mr. Olsen, 
whereas he is identified as Dr. Olsen in several other locations.

*As far as I am aware, Mr. Nanna, Mr. Phillips, and Mr. Redpath were not 
candidates for election to the Candidate Support Committee.However, 
their names are listed as vote recipients in the vote table, apparently 
because Mr. Merced cast his votes for them.  If this is the case, Mr. 
Merced voted for three people who were not candidates, and did not vote 
for any of those who were candidates.

    I hope it will not be considered impertinent to inquire whether 
there has been an error in the recording of Mr. Merced's ballot.

p. 9:

*  The following sentence appears under Treasurer's Report:  Mr. Sarwark 
also signed up so many new Life Members that he ran out of Life Member 
pins.

Did Mr. Sarwark actually sign up all of the new Life Members to whom he 
presented pins?  If not, I suggest that the sentence be worded along the 
following lines:  Mr. Sarwark awarded so many Life Member pins to new 
LIfe Members that he ran out of pins.

  p. 11:

* As far as I am aware, Marc Montoni is not a rabbi (at least, not in 
the usual sense).  Even if he is a rabbi, I don't believe honorifics 
should be used in listing names on a roster.




-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://hq.lp.org/pipermail/lnc-business/attachments/20180730/7179e97d/attachment-0001.html>